Let me tell you a little something about trivia, there are two kinds of trivia players. Those who don’t like Valentine’s Day, and those who weren’t even aware it was Valentine’s Day.

Look at any trivia crowd, but the one at Glass Nickel specifically for this example. These are clearly not people who need to worry about significant others. These may not be people with others regardless of the significance. These are pure trivia machines.

Okay, sure, there are some who play trivia and claim to have partners. Travis and Kathleen both claim to be married. Yet, when I ask why there spouses never join the team they stammer through some trash answer about how, “They work nights, but they’re super smart and this trivia wouldn’t even be hard for them. And they live in Canada on Thursdays.”

Something doesn’t add up there.

Maybe there are three types of people who play trivia–those who don’t like Valentine’s Day, those who weren’t even aware it was Valentine’s Day and those with possibly fictional spouses. You could also say there are those who play trivia with their signifs. I guess that’s cool, how ever you want to live your life. But can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night months later, looking at someone and just thinking, “I told you that duck’s name was Trevor.”

That’s some weight.

So really there are four types of people ready to play trivia on Valentine’s day–those who don’t like Valentine’s Day, those who weren’t even aware it was Valentine’s Day, those with possibly fictional spouses and those who play with their partners.

That’s not to exclude a team like Fuck the EFG, who may or may not show up tonight. The average age on this team is roughly turning-twenty-one-at-midnight. So they are deeeeeep millennials. If you thought it was bad that young adults were ruining avocados, banks, cars, print pornography, plastic straws, consumerism, dating, the scene in The Force Awakens when Kylo Ben kills Hands Solo, books, ebooks, things that aren’t even books, punching down, house parties, malls, the 40-hour work week, water skiing, mini golf, pants and getting really high, turning the shitty basement of that house where you lived during college into a dojo and claiming you were going to get into “all sorts of kung fu”, then you should see what this team is doing to league play.

Wisconsin’s Hardest Greg: “Hey guys, it’s league time, so you earn point by being here each week. Are you coming back next week?”  

Fuck the EFG: “Who knows? Maybe. We might take a week off. But we’ll be back after that.”

WHG: “Oh, okay. Thanks for co…”
[The whole Fuck the EFG team disappears into a thick, cumulonimbus, straight-up thunderhead cloud of vape]

And this doesn’t even go into the relationship anarchist, singles and squares. I guess there are really like 500 types of people who play trivia. Whatever type you are, you can join us for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tonight at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. As always, we’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.


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