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The Right Call

In the leadoff spot this week we have the crew from Up & Under, and we’re going to toss it directly to the Brewers announcers for the call.

Lane Grindle: Walking up to the plate right now we’ve got Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. You know, Bob, Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg, when he’s not out here rounding the bases, you can usually find him at home practicing with his devil sticks.

Bob Uecker: You know, Lane, that’s the lamest bit of trivia I’ve ever heard you mention about a player. Honestly, one hundred percent trash.

LG: Well, you know, Bob, I’m simply reading the from the facts sheets they gave us.

BU: Fuck you, Lane. I want to hear the real shit. I want to hear about the time Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg brought an all-Harry-Houdini category to the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show at the Up & Under. Or tell me about the time he was playing minor league ball and was run out in Lajitas, Texas for trying to, uh, get romantic with the mayor. And what you need to know here is the mayor of Lajitas is a goat.

LG: Oh, Bob. You know that story is about you. But there will be a Houdini categ–

BU: It’s a home run!

 

BU: Up next we’ve got Lewis strutting to the plate to the mesmerizing tones of Lana Del Rey, a singer who is certain to have a trivia category about her. What kind of dumbshit story do you have to tell us about Lewis, Lane?

LG: [leans close and whispers into the mic] Alright, dig this shit. So Lewis has actually been working with a break-off faction of the Sinaloa Cartel. It seems when El Chapo got locked up several factions of the cartel split off, including the tunnel diggers. So this group of Tunnelers, it turns out they’re Subterranean Diggers and Tunnelers Union local 864. You wouldn’t expect El Chapo’s men to be organized, but I guess if you want a tunnel you want it done right. So anyway, the Mole Men and Lewis have been working on a tunnel that leads from Lewis’ house to Lake Park. And once it’s finished Lewis is going to hire an entire opera company to perform Don Giovanni, simply so he can pop out of the ground at the moment Don Giovanni kills Donna Anna’s father, thus recreating the fictional painting in Haruki Murakami’s Killing Commendatore.

BU: You know, Lane, it sounds a lot like you’re saying the third trivia category for tonight is Don Giovanni, or maybe Murakami, again.

LG: Not at all, Bob, it’s European Geography.

BU: Now a word from our sponsor, “Usinger’s, why fuck on mattress when you could squeeze the sausages from their all-natural casings, fill a casket with the ground meat and just get nasty. Don’t just get freaky, get an infection. Pick n’ Save, the silver lining”

The show starts at 7pm. See you there. Also, buy a tee-shirt.

 

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