The League Finale at Up & Under


I almost feel bad for the players at the Up & Under tonight. It’s going to be brutal. We have three teams vying for the league championship. Moonbats have the advantage with 43. The Whispering Goats Whores have 42, and 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt have 40 points.

Some so-called experts have said the Moonbats have got this one in the bag, but what do they know of Alexander Hamilton? Those MFers have probably never even seen a $10 bill or read the Federalist Papers. Sure, they’ve probably listened to 50 podcasts where normally entertaining people spend 18 hours talmbout how you must see Hamilton, or at least listen to the cast recording, because it’s the best music ever. Well first off, no one cares about Hamilton anymore because it’s 2017, and fools need to stop acting like they’ve never heard Frances the Mute from The Mars Volta. Nor have they ever seen my portrayal Willie Loman every damn day of my life. That’s some real high art.

And the Whispering Goat Whores…are they ready to crush a category on African capitals? Probably not. I suspect they are way more into a teenaged tuna named Tina wearing a tunics than they are about cartoons in Tunis, Tunisia. And for what it’s worth, “That’s where they filmed the Tatooine scenes in Star Wars” is the answer to zero questions tonight, and pretty much in life as well.

As for 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt, they might do alright on the traveling amusement park rides category. I could see those dudes just bouncing from county fair to county fair, judging livestock, plowing through cheese curds by the pound, trading grandma’s heart medicine for some used cottons, a cleanish needle and bootleg Moana plushie to crash on. Damn, 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt are some sinister MFers.

Then there’s the showdown between Putin Pops and Who Pooped in the Pool which is going to be nearly as exciting as the battle for first place tonight. Can the WPitP hold on? Can Putin Pops rally for a win, only time will tell.

Fortunately,  celebrity guest host Andy Berg and Lewis, the first person to suggest putting sri racha on everything as a method to keep all the delicious barbeque sauces for himself, will be at the helm tonight. Since it’s the end of the league at the Up and Under, there will be more prizes, more drinks and more fun. But you need to be there to play. The show starts at 7pm

And for all those Tracks and Glass Nickel teams, this is your last chance to get your crowd sourced categories into us.

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