Canada Day! Yay!

“Hellometer, Hellogram!”

Those are the traditional Canadian greetings that I send to all trivia players, on this fine Canada Day. Sure, it’s probably going to rain today, but that’s nothing new to Canadians. 

Did you know that it rains in Canada too? 

Contrary to popular perception, it only snows in the colder, winter months and in the high altitudes. In fact, it rains so often that every exterior shot used in season one of Orphan Black was filmed as they needed it. And every bright, sunny exterior shot from Schitt’s Creek was actually filmed in Bali. You can tell by the tropical plant life. 

Here’s another fun fact about our neighbors to the north, Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick hasn’t been allowed in the country since 2007 when he was heard muttering “Hudson’s Bay Company? More like Dudson’s Bay Dumb-pany” 

Apparently taking The Bay’s name in vain, or even mocking The Bay, is a criminal offense in Canada. Plus, that’s not even a clever insult. I would feel bad for WHNick if I didn’t know he’s been sneaking back into the country under the guise of a member of The Guess Who

Nick leads a weird-ass life.
Anyway, Nick’s ready to regale everyone with amazing stories of the Canadian 10-day week and the implications of the 2012 Trans-Pacific Partnership on the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission’s CanCon rules and how that has left the residual taste of Nickelback in our metaphorical ear-mouths. 

Sounds thrilling, right? Don’t worry, He’ll also be talking about Human Anatomy, the Industrial Revolution and the World of Dumplings of the World. HOW MUCH BETTER CAN IT GET? Find out tonight at Company Brewing. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Let the CoBrew League Roll On

Here we are standing at the starting line, waiting, twitching, knowing that at any minute another week of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia is going to kick off. Picture the crew at Company Brewing polishing the last few glasses while someone else holds up a pint of Thousandfold Imperial Porter, into the sunlight where it immediately casts a shadow of pure darkness. Pupils enlarge, plants begin to die, demons begin to awaken, then the employee nods their head and says “That’s a dark-ass beer.”

But there is added pressure on the players this week. Not only because this is week two of the CoBrew summer league. And not only because Scrambled Eggs smoked everyone else last week. But they all know a new high bar has been set when it comes to naming at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia.

Sure, Rancid Sweatshirt Visions finished with a penalty-assisted third place, but that name has made them a champion in the hearts of everyone here at Trunch Lake. We got a real Torchwood/Doctor Who thing going on here.

So tonight, we get to see if anyone can come up with a better name and how well the substandardly named teams can do with categories like North American Song Birds, Rich Nixon and Statistical Analysis of the 2018/19 NBA season. Now if those aren’t categories that can woo one, siren-like, towards the rocky shores of Riverwest, I don’t know what are. The show starts tonight at 7pm. See you there.  

 

Such Bravery!

 

I think we trivia players, maybe even all Americans, need to mark June 17th on our  calendars. The world needs to remember the day Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia players at Company Brewing started their summer league with not one Facebook clue to help them.

America has a national doughnut day, so certainly we can honor the players who so bravely walked into Company Brewing last night with nothing. I don’t even know if they run table service during trivia. The players last night were deep in the shit. If there were a documentary made about last night’s players and the show in general it would just be Apocalypse Now with Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick’s face layered over Marlon Brando’s Kurtz. And I’m talking just a static image of Nick’s face, with Brando’s voice still providing all the dialogue. Dave Coulier’s face would also be imposed on the cow that gets slaughtered.

Compare that to teams at the Up & Under tonight. They too are going into battle but they’re walking in with clues like The Great State of Oklahoma, Hinduism and The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

We act like those are real clues, but we all know they are tips at best. Imagine you’re walking into an underground fight club, like in the movie Brad Pitt and the Underground Fight Club, and right before you’re about to get in the ring I show up and say “A few things to help out tonight. First, this is an empty spray bottle. You can put pretty much any liquid you want in it, but be sure you label it. Next, these are Certs. They were old people mints from the 1900s. Finally, Frankenstein was the Doctor, the monster’s name was Big Yoska. Okay, go get ‘em tiger.”

Lewis and Andy are leading the charge tonight at the Up & Under on Brady Street. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

D-Day Baby!

Madison. What up? What up?

It’s Thursday night and that means it’s time to get ready for another serious bout of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Now, if you were paying attention earlier this week, you would know that European Geography, Lana Del Rey and Harry Houdini all in play tonight. But we’ve got another late-breaking category.

Brace yourselves for a full category on the movie Brick. Oh man. I just did my work and watched this today, now you do yours. The way I see it, you’ve got just enough time to watch all 109 minutes and then get yourself to trivia.

That should also leave you just enough time to place your order for the Judith tee. Honestly, time is running out on this bad boy and we need to sell a few hundred more. All you need to do is drop $25 to paypal.me/SlashGreg let me know what size you need and the address where I’m sending it.

The show starts at 7pm at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. See you there.

 

The Right Call

In the leadoff spot this week we have the crew from Up & Under, and we’re going to toss it directly to the Brewers announcers for the call.

Lane Grindle: Walking up to the plate right now we’ve got Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. You know, Bob, Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg, when he’s not out here rounding the bases, you can usually find him at home practicing with his devil sticks.

Bob Uecker: You know, Lane, that’s the lamest bit of trivia I’ve ever heard you mention about a player. Honestly, one hundred percent trash.

LG: Well, you know, Bob, I’m simply reading the from the facts sheets they gave us.

BU: Fuck you, Lane. I want to hear the real shit. I want to hear about the time Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg brought an all-Harry-Houdini category to the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show at the Up & Under. Or tell me about the time he was playing minor league ball and was run out in Lajitas, Texas for trying to, uh, get romantic with the mayor. And what you need to know here is the mayor of Lajitas is a goat.

LG: Oh, Bob. You know that story is about you. But there will be a Houdini categ–

BU: It’s a home run!

 

BU: Up next we’ve got Lewis strutting to the plate to the mesmerizing tones of Lana Del Rey, a singer who is certain to have a trivia category about her. What kind of dumbshit story do you have to tell us about Lewis, Lane?

LG: [leans close and whispers into the mic] Alright, dig this shit. So Lewis has actually been working with a break-off faction of the Sinaloa Cartel. It seems when El Chapo got locked up several factions of the cartel split off, including the tunnel diggers. So this group of Tunnelers, it turns out they’re Subterranean Diggers and Tunnelers Union local 864. You wouldn’t expect El Chapo’s men to be organized, but I guess if you want a tunnel you want it done right. So anyway, the Mole Men and Lewis have been working on a tunnel that leads from Lewis’ house to Lake Park. And once it’s finished Lewis is going to hire an entire opera company to perform Don Giovanni, simply so he can pop out of the ground at the moment Don Giovanni kills Donna Anna’s father, thus recreating the fictional painting in Haruki Murakami’s Killing Commendatore.

BU: You know, Lane, it sounds a lot like you’re saying the third trivia category for tonight is Don Giovanni, or maybe Murakami, again.

LG: Not at all, Bob, it’s European Geography.

BU: Now a word from our sponsor, “Usinger’s, why fuck on mattress when you could squeeze the sausages from their all-natural casings, fill a casket with the ground meat and just get nasty. Don’t just get freaky, get an infection. Pick n’ Save, the silver lining”

The show starts at 7pm. See you there. Also, buy a tee-shirt.

 

Introducing, The Judith Tee

YO! We got brand new tees. After several rounds of revisions, trying to find the sweet spot between chunky letters and screen widths for small tees, we’ve got the latest Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia shirts.

Anyone who’s played enough, or just once, has probably run into one of our references to Judith, with the help of her handmaiden, Abra, liberating the head of Holofernes from its body. It’s an image that has been painted so many times, but that doesn’t matter. Toss on the Judith tee and you can be referencing any work on this subject. None of them feature a shortage of blood. Shit, this tee references something so bloody it showed up in John Wick 3 and it seemed right at home. Even my daughter’s child care has a drink service machine that requires the children to push a knife through Holof’s neck and Mountain Dew Code Red comes out. And Yes, my daughter’s child care center is a Taco Bell.

So jump on this chance to own the latest WHT tee. It’s sure to attract attention wherever you wear it, and then you can tell all the simps and know-nothings about the greatest trivia show in the great state of Wisconsin. Shirts will go to print on June 11, so orders need to be placed by then. Each tee is $25, which will include shipping to anywhere in the US.

Slide into that PP paypal.me/SlashGreg

As always, thanks for supporting Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia.

 

On Tuesdays We Wear Silks

Let’s start with a shout out to a couple of teams playing at Company Brewing last night. And I’m not talking about Scrambled Eggs who took first place with 93 points. Nor am I going on about Spumoni Bologna for their great name. I’m talking about Das Tunnelsnakes and Triple Unicycle who both scored 69 points. That right there is the six and the nine. Nice. Very nice, indeed.

Tonight we get to see what the teams at the Up & Under bring to the table. Have they made the most of their time with this week’s clues to better themselves and their teams? Or have they spent all of their time writing Preakness slash fiction that features A LOT of jockeys riding and whipping each other before kindly saying, “From now on, you can wear my silks”?

I know which I’ve been doing.

So Up & Under players, get your teams in line, get your brains in trivia mode and get ready for tonight’s show. Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, a man who once launched a mildly successful multi-level marketing business that was essentially demands of $100 and threats of rattlesnakes in beds, will be delivering 50 hot ones tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Lastly, you want to know what’s up with these tees?
Soon. I promise. Soon.

 

LOOK WHO’S BACK!

 

The internet is ALIVE today, and people of the virtual world are pissed. There are no lines. No order. Just an angry mob of voice after voice snapping off hot takes and jokes, or jokes of hot takes, about the ending of Game of Thrones.

Now, consider the voices you haven’t heard. The voices of people who show up at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. If you’re reading this, it’s safe to assume you’re one of these voices. WHT players have lived their lives accustomed to entire teams saving doubles for round ten only to be wiped out in the final moments. WHT players know the feeling of being betrayed by the writers and the disappointment of poor production is simply how we live now.

While the rest of the world is fired up about a Starbucks cup in WesterosWorld, trivia players are thinking about the time when Lewis and Andy tossed out the questions and instead gave a cold reading of the script from the 1996 film version of The Island of Doctor Moreau. Others might remember the time we were discussing the future of trivia and Nick turned to me and said, “Greg? He can’t even have kids. What a faulty-dick loser.” But then I came back with an IVF baby, Baby!

Or, what about the time I promised the new WHT tees would be up for pre-order today. I told people, “Mark your almost certainly empty calendars for May 20 and scratch together $25 for the latest Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tee, because we’re setting up a pre-order.” Then I forgot to request a mock-up from the printers and thus had nothing to present for it.

This kind of betrayal and disappointment is commonplace at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. But ask anyone who plays, and they will tell you it’s totally worth it. Where else but Company Brewing on a Monday night, are you going to see Nick present 50 questions on topics like Presidential Births, State Capitals and the Indianapolis 500? And we do this week after week after week. We can’t promise it will end the way you like it, but we can promise a good time will be had by everybody who shows up. All you have to do is get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Canadian Invasion

Gather ‘round, trivia players. Let me tell you a story. This story takes place last Thursday night when Neil got all spicy and told me the Dead, Canadian, Both or Neither was not a good category.

Now, we should address the fact it is NOT a good category. Nor was the Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken, or the one about candies. We’ve been writing trivia since like 1973 and a vast majority of the work we’ve done has received a “Not so great” ranking from the International Council on Trivia Inquiries and Team Nomenclature. In fact, the best category we’ve ever had was a crowd-sourced stack that simply asked players to rank these celebrities–that was it, just ranks these people on whatever. The second best is a tie between a Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow category and whenever we saw the first TPIODITMOSL show up.

But back to Neil. Neil’s complaint wasn’t about the quality of the questions. Neil was bitter because no one at trivia was Canadian and frankly no one wants to talk about Canada unless it’s Justin Trudeau /Fic.

This statement is only half true, and so now MFing Neil and all of you are going to play though this week’s Canada-heavy show. That’s right, some how someone scraped up five questions about David Coulier, and none of them involve Alanis Morissette. We’ll also be talking about the high-quality, contemporary television programs we import from our fine neighbors to the north. Then to balance it all out we’ll also dive into the Great State of South Carolina. I can only assume Neil, a Tennessee native, will be quick to tell us no one is from the south. What a jerk.

Anyway, Nick is putting on his Habs sweater right now and getting ready to deliver 50 mid-quality questions tonight at Company Brewing. Anyone or any team is welcome to join in the fun. All you have to do is be at Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

BRACKETS BRACKETS BRACKETS COUCHES COUCHES COUCHES

The bad news about Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia at Glass Nickel Pizza tonight is that by the time we fill that basement and kick off the show, 85% of the crowd is going to be talking about busted brackets, unforeseen upsets and melted minds. That’s a lot of pressure to out on college hoopermans. That’s also a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Trying to pick the right team like it’s not going to be Duke or some other team with a creepy ass coach. But you’re still riding hard for Bradington State. That seems like good name for a college no one cares about. The team is just five, six-foot-two dudes named Brad.

The good news is all that will be behind you as soon as trivia fires up. We already know there is going to talk about Viggo Mortenson, Candy and Presidential Pets, but did you know I’m also going to be pressuring each of you, individually, about joining the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Ragnar crew. We’re looking for a couple more people to fill out the team. And what could be better than spending a couple days in September running 15 miles through the woods of Northern Wisconsin?

All that a more, TONIGHT! All you have to do is be at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. We’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

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