Trivia in the End Times

Wooohooo! 

Is that how you feign excitement for Trivia week 22 under quarantine? Is that how you pretend this isn’t a trivia show at the end of capitalism as we know it? 

I hope so because we’ve got a hot show coming for you tonight. If you look at the average, and assign it a C grade, you can then look back and see that we’ve rolled out a few stellar shows. There have also been some failures. Trust me, we know failure. 

I mean look at the hundreds of trivia shows that went nowhere and we’re still waiting to get paid for. Trust me, we know failure, I mean look at my CV. Trust me, we know failure, I mean look at my elementary school report card. I got a D in handwriting. A grade three kid getting smacked with a D-grade because…I don’t know…the loops on my cursive Qs were too big. At the same time I got a B in music, even though I have zero rhythm and tend to listen to what people call “not music”. I also got a B in speech. There wasn’t even a speech part of school at that age. I wasn’t up in front of the class giving a 5-minute lesson on rolling dolmas because I thought it would be a funny analog to rolling blunts, but I also discovered these mediterranean treats are as fun to make as they are to eat. I couldn’t pronounce my own parents names until I was 14, and I still speak with a lisp, yet I got an above average speech grade and nearly failed handwriting because I recognized early on that the cursive X was dumb as hell.

Anyway tonight’s show is a solid B-, certainly above average. We’ve got a rocking, or should I say “spooky-rockin”, last place request coming from Clever Girl and five more banger categories. 

Now the other shift in tonight’s show, and proof that I can bury a lede so deep it puts this post’s ass to sleep, is that tonight’s donation is going to a GoFundMe for the partner of Anthony Huber. In that dude’s final act he struck out against hate, racism and oppression, and captured much of the essence of skateboarding. I want every skatepark in the nation named for him, that’s a big ask but tonight we’re doing what we can with a few dollars. 

So to register, it works like this:

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half (up to $200) helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between August 27 and September 2. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. Stay safe. See you in a few hours.

Do It Rockapella

It’s trivia time. You know how to do this, but if you don’t this is how you register for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between August 13 and 19. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

Trudge Forth

Behold, yo, trivia has awakened!

It rises from the still muck of Trunch Lake in a hot summer and the detritus of a summer league followed by several crowd sourced shows. This horror, this dread, trudges forward, but do not confuse it with your cinematic envisionation. This is not the Nothing, proceeded by Gmork and only stopped by the croon of Lamahl. Nor are you to consider the late twentieth century Smithian Golgathan. Though certainly, this grotesquerie is born of the misery of trivia teams hoping, lifting their eyes one last time to their god, or their ceiling fan, to shout, “Let me win the mug. Please, let me win a mug.” But there are no more mugs. Summer is coming to a close. This is not Yeats‘ Second Coming.

Oh no, players, the inception of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia online was the falcon’s gyre. The introduction to a horror we all felt but never knew was coming. Nick now has a ring light. I have a twitch account. Anjali has taken her suburban throne. The beast has now reached Bethlehem. It arrived on the fetid remains of the once-coporeal horse named Bamboo Harvester. This is now chaos.

Consider that as you prepare for this week’s show. Consider the maelstrom before you think, “what could Greg possibly mean when he says he’s writing a category about examples of royalty in music”. Will that help? Who knows.  But if you want to find out, you need to get to Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia online show this Wednesday night at 7pm.

To get your team registered:

1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.

2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between August 13 and 19. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.

3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.

4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

No Weeks Off

 

Players, of course there is a trivia show tonight. As Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick likes to yell at me from across the conference rooms, “No weeks off!” 

But there are more pressing issues at hand. Like, for example, I have to go buy a new car, which should be super fun under the thumb of COVID-19. Then, assuming the purchase all goes well I have to call a detective and tell them, “I traded in the evidence for a new one, and IT FUCKING RIPS.” 

We’re lighting the rag that is plugged in a glass bottle half filled with gasoline that is labeled “Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia” tonight at 7pm. And for anyone wondering, it is a one gallon bottle previously used to deliver Thunderbird fortified wine to WHNick’s belly. 

I don’t think you want to be on the wrong end of this one. So get your teams registered:

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between August 6 and 12. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. 

Crowd Sourced Last Call

Players, the mailbox over here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Center for Gene Modification to Create a Peony/Toxicodendron Hybrid is overflowing. 

You see, part of the job Anjali of Increasing Wisconsin Hardness does here at WHTGHQRE&CFGMTOCPTH is to print off all the emails Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick and I receive and put them in an actual physical mailbox shaped like a fish, which I can only assume is a bass, of bass boatery fame. Typically this mailbox is full of emails about important information regarding the warranty on my stolen car or how I can save hundreds of thousands of dollars each month on insurance for my stolen car. 

But this week there are some gems coming in. We’ve got some crowd-sourced Bamboo Harvesters, some questions about sports and one very convincing email from this old man Roger who typically sends me emails intended for a Mahsa Mahots requesting information on the boats seen this week on the Caspian. I’m honestly kind of into those emails. 

Anyway, tonight’s show fires up at 7pm. If you’re hoping to get questions in, please get them to us before then. And don’t forget to register your teams:

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 30 and Aug 5. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.  

It’s Crowd-Sourced Time!

Players, we all should be thankful this week is a crowd-sourced show. We’re going to need it. 

Typically when Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick or Wisconsin’s Hardest I go on an adventure to say, Texas, or New Orleans, or Kenosha we use the inspiration/desolation we find in these places to write a couple categories. Like a real low-key “yeah, I’m a traveller” boast. I’m sure, in time Anjali is going to get in on this, but since she’s been on the team the extent of her travelling has been to Waukesha. And we don’t do Waukesha categories. 

All that said, I spent the last 4 days in Northern Wisconsin riding mountain bikes. Are the CAMBA trails extensive and impressive? Very much so. 

Did I, against the orders of my doctors and everyone who cares about me, jump the bike? Of course. 

Did Keith call me out for it and threaten to take away my bike? Yes

But did I find any inspiration for trivia? No. None at all. Imagine the Birkebeiner Zone category: Question #1: You guys remember like 120 years ago when humans cut down every damn tree in this zone and then planted these scrubby pines and some oaks that other trees laugh at and say, “You’ll never be old growth. Go back to tree school.”?

That one is clearly a yes or no answer, but neither is wrong based on your level of Northern Wisconsin industrial history. 

Question #5 would just be, What was the biggest boat I saw last weekend? I love a good seafaring subject, so this question isn’t even out of line.  And you’re all gonna be clowning on Spoony Bards when they write “Is bass a kind of boat?” But they are going to be correct. Wrap your brains around that one–THE QUESTION IS JUST A QUESTION, BUT THE ANSWER IS ALSO A QUESTION.

That is just not the kind of hassle any of us need this week. So please submit a round of questions to either nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com.

And to register your team follow these steps. 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 30 and Aug 5. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.  

Summer League Ender

Players, let’s get right into it. We’ve got league finals to play tonight. We’ve got prizes to give away, and I still have like 50 Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow questions to write.

Oh, you thought we barely eked out five and tossed them all righty-tighty-lefty-loosey-goosey on slides and called it good? You don’t think we come up with 50-100 a hundred of those bad boys so we can filter out answers like The Lion of Gripsholm Castle Doctrine or any of the 300 hundred clues I pitch to Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick each week that are all somehow connected to the famed Chicago-based doom metal band Bongripper? You are so very wrong. 

And honestly, the clue “Things that saddened my parents to find in my room and things my children will find in my office, which in turn will kind of bum them out” seems too niche even for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. 

Anyway the answer would have “A Jeenyus Snowboards Sticker Stuck to the Top Tube of A Two-Stage Bongripper’s Album Hate Ashbury”.  

Dang, that question sucks. I suspect 80 percent of tonight’s show will be better than that. To register, simply follow these steps. 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 23 and July 29. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. 

Jours des Chien

This is it players. There is no turning back. This is the final round. 

I’m not going to lie to you and say this is anyone’s game. I think we all know Milwaukee Tunnel Snakes are not going to walk away from this show victorious. There is, however, the very real chance that if things break the wrong way they will end the season having a negative points average. I’m glad I consider most of the people on that team my friends, otherwise I would feel so bad about the six weeks I’ve spent standing outside Alyssa and OG Bus Dog Ryan’s place holding up a sign that reads “You : Trivia :: Police : Serving & Protecting”. 

Also, let’s consider the people on that team I don’t consider my friends. I imagine that is a relief on some level. 

Or, what about Dreadlocks and No Socks: Tales From La Playa? We know they aren’t walking away with the Lord’s Stanley’s Trivia Cup, which is really just a beat up coffee tumbler with La Baie blanket stripes on it which I found under my sink. Chien, we don’t even know if they have a positive scoring average after we switch their metric to imperial and convert their Canadian scores for a US score at one of those airport booths that charge like a 15 percent convenience fee. 

That doesn’t mean there will not be winners somewhere in the crowd. I mean, apart from Wisconsin’s Hardest Me and Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick and Anjali of Ever Increasing Wisconsin’s Hardestness, because emotionally we are the real winners here. There will be clear winners and every one is getting some sort of prize, so long as their team show up and the USPS stays operational through next week.     

Of course, you cannot win, or walk away with any sort of prize if you aren’t registered. So let’s make it official. Get your team in the mix with these four easy steps:

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 23 and July 29. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

Devo Days

Ooooo, Doggie. Tonight’s show is ready to jump the eff off. We’ve got the Concertina Belcher’s requested category. I still have to make the Welcome to Blockbuster donation to The Wisconsin Humane Society, but I’ll get to it before tonight’s show. 

I tried to go over some of tonight’s highlights with Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick, but he just put up one finger and said, “Can’t talk now, these are Devo days.” 

He then shushed me away. 

So I guess that is the theme for the time being–Devo Days. Consider that when you’re getting ready for tonight’s show. Maybe you’ll think Duty Now For the Future and know you should register immediately. Or maybe you’ll consider Through Being Cool, drop that dead weight team you’ve got now and get some teammates to help you win, Kirsti. 

Of course, the best option is to think about Uncontrollable Urge and how hard Gigi Rüf ripped to that song in the 2003 snowboard vidja Back in Black. And then you’ll think about the Jeffy Anderson tribute at the end of the video and how cool that dude was.

But, before you get lost down that Gigi/Devo/Jeffy/Grandaddy/how rad snowboarding was when you were a kid wormhole, consider getting your crew registered. Like this: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 16 and July 22. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

Looking For Losers and Winners

Attention players, we are looking for a few Concertina Belchers. It is imperative we speak with a ConBel because we need to know what category they want to see this week. As the team that had just the most pathetic showing last week, that is their honor. 

We also need to hear from last week’s winners, Welcome to Blockbuster so we know where to send their donation. If I hear nothing, their donation will be made on their behalf to Friends of Mirror Lake State Park

Typically, I would say something snarky about the general undesirability of a park, but not this time. Mirror Lake State Park has been chosen because they are currently in the middle of a stand-off between the Trunch Lake Police Department and the WHT car insurance providers Something Like Thizzsurance, LLC dba Yapers For Scrapers the proprietors of DonksScrapersSuperCambersAndSwangasProtection.biz. It seems the missing ride was located there, and is just sitting there. TLPD won’t touch it because it’s out of their jurisdiction and SLT,LLCdbaYFS can’t do anything until it is in police possession and thus no longer a stolen vehicle. So, for now it’s smashed up, missing a few windows, sitting there and making the park look bad. 

Side note, we can take last week’s winning, set it aside in a designated Welcome to Blockbuster Account and once that account hits $600 we can buy the park a bench and put whatever they want on their bench plaque. Honestly this is the best idea to ever come out of WHT. Imagine that plaque: “This bench was dedicated by Welcome to Blockbuster, the nastiest bunch of trivia fucks to ever play Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia”. 

I am so into this.

But right now I gotta recommend everyone else get on board with this week’s show. To register, do it like this: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 16 and July 22. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. 

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