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Consider Your Motivation For Getting Out Tonight

Before you start complaining about the cold, or how you’re wearing 12 layers and you’re considering skipping trivia tonight, I want you to think about the earliest settlers of Wisconsin, and specifically Madison.

Think about how they didn’t have their Nest thermostats turned up to 76. Or a neighbor kid who shoveled their sidewalks. They didn’t have technical fabrics and 800 down fill. They didn’t have heated smart slippers that stay perfectly regulated at 88 degrees via an app that I control through convoluted Siri and IfTTT Rube Goldberg system.

No no, they had letterman’s jackets and dumb ear muffs with plastic framing that never really got warm. These early people, they didn’t have heated steering wheels or seats. It’s a life I can’t imagine many of us surviving.

But, every Thursday they slipped on their boots, lit a cigarette (probably indoors because these pioneer folk understood the difficulty of lighting a dart in the winter wind and didn’t understand the difficulty of kicking a habit that would almost certainly lead to a lifetime a health problems. Plus, you know these fools weren’t running vape rigs back then), and strolled to a local pizza place for what was then called Taychopera’s Hardest Trivia, or Ouisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. They struggled, but it was the good struggle.

Now that you know a little more of the history of this land, are you really going to look back the generations of those who weathered harsher winters with less and say, “It’s cool, I’m going to stay in and write some more Masked Singer slash fic, because you know the Unicorn and Peacock fuck like truck drivers.”

No, you’re not going to do that. Mostly because no one ever says “…fuck like truck drivers”. But more importantly, you’re going to get out of the house. Sure it’s going to be a little cold, but once you get yourself to the Glass Nickel, you’re going to find Jake keeping you toasty with drinks, the kitchen will be firing off hot pies all night, and I’ll be asking all sorts of dumb questions that are sure to get you angry-warm. All you have to do is be there by 7pm.

See you then.

 

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