A Brief and Inaccurate History of Bitcoin

Eight years ago, when Nick and I started this little Trivia endeavor, there was this dude named Joe who would occasionally play. Solid player. One night after the show he strolls up and asks, “What do you two MFers know about b-b-b-b-itcoin?”

Originally, I thought Joe spoke like that because he a wild stammer, but it turns out that he was just from the future.  

I admitted I knew next to nothing about cryptocurrency, or currency in general. Nick had a more in-depth understanding, but wasn’t on Joe’s level. Joe’s telling us he’s got something like 14 rigs in his basement mining bitcoins and at this point I tuned out because this was starting to sound a lot like Farmville.

Then last summer I run into Bitcoin Joe and his girlfriend Plants Sarah. I know Sarah knows plants so I start firing questions at her. “Hey I’m trying to grow some weed in my neighbor’s yard. I think I grow it in her garden without her knowing. What strains should I be planting?”

She says, “Well, outdoors in a climate like Madison you could grow some trash weed to sell to high schoolers and maybe middle school kids. But if you could put up a hotbox, there is no reason you couldn’t try Acapulco Gold or some Chernobyl. I’m sure we could find you the proper landrace strain for your neighbor’s garden.”

Then Bitcoin Joe gets in on the conversation. Talmbout how he doesn’t even try growing weed anymore and he just buys it all with Bitcoin. Clearly he stuck with that Farmville bullshit. He then proceeds to tell me everything else he’s purchased with bitcoin:

  • 3 Shawn Kemp rookie cards
  • Like 2 pizzas a week from Pizza Shuttle
  • A Big Mouth Billy Bass that only plays The Downeaster Alexa
  • This Unication Alpha Elite Flex Pager right here
  • A bunch of preloaded DMT vape pens
  • 2 Falsified Canadian Passports
  • A 12 x 12 Faraday Cage for the basement
  • Once Upon a Time in Shaolin
  • A 3% share in a company that produces and sells glow-in-the-dark dog collars
  • Little strips of acid used to whiten your teeth or slowly burn off your fingerprints
  • A Unimog U4000, you know the 6-wheeled one

Bitcoin Joe obviously knows how to party. And Nick and I totally missed the boat on that. To make up for it we’ve written an entire trivia category about Bitcoin for this week. But that’s not all! We’ll also be talking about famous tigers and the Great State of Utah.

And of course Nick will be kicking off the week with the Milwaukee show at Company Brewing. There is really no better way to spend a Monday night in Riverwest than grabbing a bite to eat, drinking a few of those delicious CoBrew beers, and listen to the dulcet tones of Nick asking questions.

Now that you know what to expect, I suggest you get your team together and get to Company Brewing tonight at 7pm. See you there.

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