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Let me tell it to you straight, players. If there were to be an in-person show tonight. If we all crammed in the basement of the Glass Nickel or in the impressive expanse of Company Brewing, there would be so many unhappy players. Even Gentrifiers of Kazan, who finally got in touch with me and asked that their winning donation last week be made to the Riverwest Co-op, thus ripping a donation from the icy grip of Lake Wissota State Park, who was fully prepared to spend the donation on gas money to drive around picking up used hypodermic needles which would then be scattered around the lake shore and in the bushes, would be bummed. 

Why? Well, I’ll tell you. If this were an in-person show, I would at full volume be blasting this new Overgrow to Overthrow compilation from Bindrune Recordings. Two plus hours of punk and metal put together to combat racism. Sure, you’ve got the perennial Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia favorites–Panopticon and Falls of Rauros and Ripped to Shreds on there, but you gotta brace yourself for Hornet Murmuration’s cover of the Dead Kennedys classic Drug Me. Then there is Chat Pile’s Crawl Space, which is a solid piece of business. And Thou shows up. I don’t know if I was ever supposed  to be into Thou, but after having them pop up with some many other acts I like in the past several years, I am fully on board. Then again, a sludge metal band from Baton Rouge who has put out a split release with the Oakland queer antifascist doom duo, Ragana, and covered Led Belly’s In The Pines for the Black Flags Over Brooklyn compilation couldn’t be more perfectly suited for me. 

All of this said, the record would be played at full volume, half of the crowd would leave, Spoony David would accept the Ohioan Solidarity song by Throne of Blood only out of buckeye brotherhood, Janet Tickets would ask me who each band is and then tell me she would rather hear Run the Jewels, and I think several members of Milwaukee Tunnelsnakes would pull me aside and earnestly ask if everything was okay. 

Fortunately, we’re not in person yet so you just need to tolerate Nick, Anjali and me prattling on. And like 25 questions about Canadian things as requested by last week’s last place finishers, Dreadlocks and No Socks:Tales From La Playa. 

Now that you’re all super-hyped to get after it, don’t forget to register. Like this: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 1 and July 8. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. 

 

GoK, Where You At?

Time is running out. The members of Gentrifiers of Kazan have like 32 more hours to contact me and let me know where they want their donation made after eking out a win last week.

If no one from the team gets in touch with me, the donation gets made to the Friends of a Wisconsin State Park. And it never goes to good state parks. We’re never giving money to Governor Dodge State Park. It’s not like they need it. They’re sitting on like $500 of Lands End cash. And Devil’s Lake only accepts Illinois currency, so if we hear nothing from GoK that cash is going into the coffers of Friends of Lake Wissota State Park

I grew up like eight minutes away from that park. And to this day I have never been there. This whole park’s claim to fame is that a dam was built, and a lake formed behind it. Then you toss in a faulty timeline from the movie Titanic and I guess that is enough to drop in a couple picnic tables, a nature center with a taxidermed Wood Duck and poster about bats and call it a state park. 

Sure, there is that fact that I’ve never seen Titanic, but I can tell you that at some point Jack says that he has spent time on Lake Wissota which didn’t yet exist because humans were not yet using dams. In 1912 CE, dams were strictly the pursuits of beavers. Humans really didn’t get on board with dams until like 1988. I can also tell you the best line in the film is when Rose says, “Draw me like one of your Bethulian girls. Specifically one running a knife through the throat of an Assyrian general with a handmaiden at my side.” 

While you’re coming to terms with what a bust the Lake Wissota State Park must be, why not get registered for this week’s round of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. To do so, simply follow these destructions.  

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza between July 1 and July 8. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

The Decade is Upon Us

Does time mean anything anymore? No. Of course not. It’s either moving negative miles per whatever, when we’re thinking things like, “Dog, I cannot wait to play trivia in person again.” Or, it’s going too fast when we realize things like “Certainly, the United States will have this under control in no time” was something that was said in March. MARCH. 

I’ve opted to use that non-logic to ease into a maybe three-week-old meme. Or maybe it’s been three days. But, we’re pushing up on ten years of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Ten years since Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick and Wisconsin’s Hardest I sat in a bar on a Monday night, with Larsy and Keef, probably 500 Schlitzes deep and thought “I bet we could run this show. I mean how much longer can it last? One, maybe two months?” This ridiculous little venture has lived twice the life of the Confederacy. 

But that’s not even the impressive part. Take a look at teams like Tunnel Snakes or Clever Girl. Those teams have been playing trivia with WHT longer than the confederacy existed. Shit, blud, Good Enough has been losing longer than the confederacy existed and not one street has been renamed Doctor Danger Dave Drive, or Dr. Danger Dave Dr.

Now, I’m not suggesting statues of me or Nick. Can you imagine the upkeep cost a community would face to erect such a memorial, immediately spray paint 500 dicks on it, then one week later topple it and drop it into Lake Michigan right next to the spot where the Milwaukee Deep Tunnel dumps all the sewage into Lake Michigan? 

That’s a lot to ask of any community. But would it kill Madison or Milwaukee to get a 10-percent larger replica of Luis Jiménez’s Blucifer, rename it Bamboo Harvester of Sorrows and place it in front of a municipal building? 

It’s something to consider. 

Here’s something else to consider. If you’re a team member of Gentrifiers of Kazan, let me know where the donation for last week’s win is going. If I hear nothing by Wednesday, we’re throwing it at a to-be-determined state park.   

For everyone else, get ready for this week’s Wednesday night show. Registration works like this. 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel in Madison between July 1 and July 8. Send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

Awwww, Canada Day

I imagine Mel, on the Diarrhea/Dildos team, had trouble sleeping last night. Unable to contain herself, by 8am the Zoom Room was fired up and it was her, the Dreadlocks and No Socks: Tales From La Playa team and an unaccepted invite to Justin Trudeau

I would have loved to be on that call. Mel, in full RCMP regalia marching back and forth reciting the Tim Horton’s menu in English and French. Cynthia, shotgunning cans of Molsons while sitting atop Avril Lavigne’s tombstone and weeping. False-canadian Dave, afraid to do anything that would knock him off the Canadian citizen track, played it low-key and rented a room at the Holiday Inn Express in Toronto and listened to The Tragically Hip at a reasonable volume. The real boss move on his part was requesting the same room in which Kawhi Leonard lived, last year when he led the Raptors to their NBA championship, earned the finals MVP award and informed all of us that he is a fun guy. Legend has it you can still see scuff marks on the bedside table where Kawhi would put his DS each night before he drifted off to sleep. 

In addition to Canada Day, we’re also celebrating the Milwaukee Tunnelsnakes crowd. Occasional MKE-TSer, Vinny, is the chef at The Original in Milwaukee where they hosted a Burgers for Black Lives event on Sunday and raised a very cool $1,600 for BLOC and Black Lives Matter Milwaukee. There were even rumors that Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick was flipping burgs for few minutes. So a big shout out to The Original, Vinny, and the MKE Tunnelsnakes. I’m sorry your team is so overloaded and you rarely get your scores into positive territory. 

Speaking of food, it seems the eastside Glass Nickel is closed for a few days on account of COVID-19. As a replacement registration purchase this week, we’ll be accepting purchases from Just Veggiez. The food from this joint is so damn good. James Bloodsaw is an amazing chef and they’ll deliver your meal to anywhere within 25 miles of Fitchburg. The trick is meals need to be preordered, so you probably can’t get a Wednesday order anymore, but that Thursday Buffalo Chix sandwich is insane-o. So kick me some sort of proof that you’re ordering from Just Veggiez, or that you have recently and you’re in. 

For newcomers to Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia registration works like this: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Just Veggiez between June 25 and July 1. send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

Middle Summer

Players, we all know this is a holiday week, right? We all know by the time weekend rolls around everyone will be waist deep in burgers and grilled sausage. But if you really dig into the metrics of what this week is, look into the stats on the number of 16oz jars of sauerkraut consumed by hosts of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Experts thought 2019 was going to be a record breaking year, with Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick and Wisconsin’s Hardest Me each housing like six jars over the weekend. 

But then COVID-19 and Shelter-At-Home hit and let me tell you, I am currently at the top of my fizzy cabbage consumption game. I also know that Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick has spent the weekend modifying the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia x Jose Cuervo x COVID-19 Stimulus Check in-office margarita machine to dispense room temp kraut. Plus, you know we brought in Wisconsin’s Hardest Anjali. Now I don’t know her feelings on cabbage, fermented or otherwise, but she’s new around here so you know she will at least take a couple rips off the old machine to prove she’s a team player.

Plus we all got those masks, so the scent of one’s breath is even less of a concern. 

Speaking of the United States’ Independence Day (1 of 2), I think we should give a tip of our old red, white and blue fedoras to Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid, which took the top spot last week, nabbed 18 league points and pushed $220 towards Walnut Way Conservation Corps

Not a bad way to start the holiday week. 

The other great way to start your holiday weekend is to get registered for this weeks’ Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show. You probably know the process, but if not, here it is: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza Co. – Madison East between June 25 and July 1. send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

Down Goes Forward! Down Goes Forward!

Big news, players. We are well on our way to getting that Zoe Kazan statue erected at the Wisconsin State Capitol. It seems a proactive group, people who I can only assume are die-hard Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia players, took down Lady Forward last night. They then went on to dump the statue of yer boy Col. H.C. Heg in Lake Monona like some sort of misguided Otis Redding tribute. 

If I had one thing to say to these proactivists I would say, “I get it. I like it. But we’re going to need something in Forward’s place before the state puts up a statue of its own.” I imagine they will put up a Tony Romo statue. You know, to honor the great quarterback who, for a while, called Wisconsin home. They will claim to not know of any other Wisconsin athlete, especially not one who wore the number seven, had a lifetime passer rating of 88.9 and went by the name of Colin Kaepernick, worthy of such a statue.

Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to decide if we should base this Zoe K statue on her character of Bess Levine in The Plot Against America, Andrea Martino in The Deuce, or LeBlanc from the 2015 Sandra Bullock bomb Our Brand Is Crisis.

So if someone could get down to the square and put up a “Reserved” sign where Forward once stood, that would be great. 

Apart from that, it’s time to get registered for tonight’s Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia bout. I can’t really give you any clues, but I can tell you how to get in the mix. 

 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza Co. between June 18 and June 24,, send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

You Can’t Stop Such Momentum

Well, here we go again. Another week of Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick, Anjali, who is ever increasing in Wisconsin Hardness, and me preparing the greatest trivia show to which the internet has ever borne witness, only to be thwarted by the social media overlords. 

I understand some of you want to honor us by producing “They Persisted” bumper stickers à la Elizabeth Warren, but I have a better idea. You take the Pep Boys logo, except that it’s Nick, Anjali and me, and instead of “They Persisted” we run with something more along the lines of “Do They Ever Stop Talking?”

Damn. Can you imagine babies of overly white neo-liberal parents wearing that on a onesie at a political rally. The adults wearing facemasks with the new knock-off logo that just reads “Ugh”. I’m standing at the edge of the crowd trying to get people to sign a petition to have Lady Forward atop the Wisconsin State Capitol replaced with a Zoe Kazan statue. 

Clearly, big things are in the works for us here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, but let’s not ignore what happened last week. The Gentrifiers of Kazan took the top spot in brutal week and kicked their $155 prize to Leaders Igniting Transformation. LITMKE is a multiracial youth led organization, works to build homegrown leadership, expand access and opportunity, and promote an equitable society. 

I’m very hyped on this. If the youth have taught us anything in the last 48 hours it’s that they’re down to order a few hundred thousand tickets to an event just to ruin a racist’s day.   

And now, the show goes down again this Wednesday night. Everyone is welcome to get in on the action. Sure the questions are some of the hardest you will ever encounter and still be considered trivia. But think about the glory if you win. Plus when you win, you’ll get some sort of prize and your team will get to choose the cause to receive 50 percent of this week’s registration money. 

Registration is this easy: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop.
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel Pizza Co. – Madison East between June 18 and June 24,, send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team.
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.

 

Supporting the Parks, but not emotionally

Just because I took a Monday off doesn’t mean all of you get to do the same. There is so much work to do. We have to finish writing questions. Milwaukee Tunnel Snakes needs to fill their 10-player roster. And someone from Scrambled Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch needs to get in touch with me to let me know where last week’s winnings are being donated. 

If I’ve heard nothing by tomorrow night it’s going to a Wisconsin State Park Friends group. And it’s not even going to a good state park. I’ll give to Friends of Governor Thompson State Park or some other busted-ass location. 

Hey, Governor Thompson State Park here’s a couple hundred dollars to, I don’t know, keep that field overgrown, or keep that 150-ft beach you’re bragging about somewhat sandy. The name aside, can you imagine a shittier state park? 

In my youth, I went to the Appomattox Courthouse under the impression it was a National Park. It wasn’t until many years later that I learned the difference between a National Park and a National Park Service Unit. National Parks are big and amazing and blow your mind. Places like Big Bend and Acadia and Glacier. 

National Park Service units exist under some sort of trash umbrella. Tour guides are never thrilled as they say things like, “This is a recreation of the desk used to sign the surrender papers between Grant and Lee. You can purchase the same desk at the gift shop. Over here we have the Plunkett–Meeks Store that looks just like it did in 1865, or whenever, but today you can buy a dumb Appomattox Courthouse Snow Globe. Sorry, no Confederate money accepted. Also take note of this person who wanted to be a US National Park Ranger but is now employed here cosplaying Mrs. Plunkett who is sweeping the front stoop so it’s clean when the white supremacists show up on Tuesdays. Just like they did 150 years ago”. 

What I’m getting at here is, Scrambled Eggs needs to let me know what’s up, and the rest of you need to get your teams together for trivia this week. If you’re curious about the registration process, it goes like this:

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop. 
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel in Madison between June 11 and June 17, send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team. 
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me.  

  

 

MANDELBAUM! MANDELBAUM! MANDELBAUM!

It’s time for your Izzy Mandelbaum post, because it’s go time, string beans. I’ve researched and written the category submitted by last week’s last place finishers, The Concertina Belchers and I can tell you this, “No one will be happy”. To offset what is surely to be one of the most difficult trivia ever I also wrote a category called “Blue-ish? Yes or No”. Each question was just the name of a color with the type in that color. 

For example the one point question was Light Cornflower Blue 1 and the words were written in type that was Light Cornflower Blue 1. The players would need to choose, is this blue-ish? Yes, no, both or neither. And honestly as a colorblind, I would accept anything from Dark Orange 3 to Grey 2 as blue-ish. 

The average score would still be, like, seven in that round, so it’s been scrapped. 

To see what we do have in the mixing bowling for you tonight, be sure to get your crew together and get registered. You probably know the process right now, but if not, here it is: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop. 
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel in Madison between June 4 and June 10, send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team. 
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. 

An Update from HQ

Until recently, the intercom/communication system at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Summertime Water Gun Armory was nothing more than my aging father at whom Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick and I would yell things like “Go tell Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick how good some of the memes I’m looking at right now are. Tell him they’re super good” and “Go ask Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick what the password to my email account is because I can’t remember it and I only have access to it on my phone and I hate writing emails on my phone. These fat fucking fingers were not made to type emails on a phone. I’m not Zoe Kazan with her, what I can only imagine are, perfect digits. Look at these hands, old man. Look at them. These are partially your fault. Anyway, go get my password. Have him write it down and don’t you dare fucking look at it”. 

We had to let my father go because the Covid-19 provided us with the perfect excuse and window for firing him. And we needed an office for Anjali

But now there is no buffer. Trivia players and non-players alike have unfettered access to me. I’ve got a certain team from The Great State of California demanding a return to NBAmboo Havester of Sorrow. But they specifically want every question to be about the Chicago Bulls, with answers like Micheal JorDan Majarle and Ryan ArcidiacoNo Country For Old Men. Maybe their history of winning comes from me tossing them softballs like “In a classic Cromac/Coen Bros combo, the Arch of Dimes stashes the cash on the banks of the Rio Grande”. 

I knew that one was too easy.

On the flipside, I’m also getting pics of the teams, which is super cool. For example, the pic accompanying this post is of Tunnelsnakes Take Chicago. The only thing missing is a pic of somebody’s Sambas. 

Apart from that, I’ve got no breaking trivia news. Registration is open, so let’s do this. 

Here’s the process: 

  1. Drop your registration fee on paypal.me/SlashGreg. There is no set registration fee, but half goes to the winning team’s chosen cause or charity and the other half helps keep the lights on at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Internet Content Chop Shop. 
  2. We’re still backing the businesses which have always backed us. If you make a purchase from Company Brewing in Milwaukee or Glass Nickel in Madison between June 4 and June 10, send some sort of proof of purchase to greg@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com and your team is registered.
  3. Pick a strong team name, and then build an even stronger team. 
  4. Tune in Wednesday at 7pm on https://www.twitch.tv/wisconsinshardesttrivia and get your brain scrambled.

If you have any questions, reach out to nick@wisconsinshardesttrivia.com or me. 

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