D-Day Baby!

Madison. What up? What up?

It’s Thursday night and that means it’s time to get ready for another serious bout of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Now, if you were paying attention earlier this week, you would know that European Geography, Lana Del Rey and Harry Houdini all in play tonight. But we’ve got another late-breaking category.

Brace yourselves for a full category on the movie Brick. Oh man. I just did my work and watched this today, now you do yours. The way I see it, you’ve got just enough time to watch all 109 minutes and then get yourself to trivia.

That should also leave you just enough time to place your order for the Judith tee. Honestly, time is running out on this bad boy and we need to sell a few hundred more. All you need to do is drop $25 to paypal.me/SlashGreg let me know what size you need and the address where I’m sending it.

The show starts at 7pm at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. See you there.

 

The Right Call

In the leadoff spot this week we have the crew from Up & Under, and we’re going to toss it directly to the Brewers announcers for the call.

Lane Grindle: Walking up to the plate right now we’ve got Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg. You know, Bob, Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg, when he’s not out here rounding the bases, you can usually find him at home practicing with his devil sticks.

Bob Uecker: You know, Lane, that’s the lamest bit of trivia I’ve ever heard you mention about a player. Honestly, one hundred percent trash.

LG: Well, you know, Bob, I’m simply reading the from the facts sheets they gave us.

BU: Fuck you, Lane. I want to hear the real shit. I want to hear about the time Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg brought an all-Harry-Houdini category to the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show at the Up & Under. Or tell me about the time he was playing minor league ball and was run out in Lajitas, Texas for trying to, uh, get romantic with the mayor. And what you need to know here is the mayor of Lajitas is a goat.

LG: Oh, Bob. You know that story is about you. But there will be a Houdini categ–

BU: It’s a home run!

 

BU: Up next we’ve got Lewis strutting to the plate to the mesmerizing tones of Lana Del Rey, a singer who is certain to have a trivia category about her. What kind of dumbshit story do you have to tell us about Lewis, Lane?

LG: [leans close and whispers into the mic] Alright, dig this shit. So Lewis has actually been working with a break-off faction of the Sinaloa Cartel. It seems when El Chapo got locked up several factions of the cartel split off, including the tunnel diggers. So this group of Tunnelers, it turns out they’re Subterranean Diggers and Tunnelers Union local 864. You wouldn’t expect El Chapo’s men to be organized, but I guess if you want a tunnel you want it done right. So anyway, the Mole Men and Lewis have been working on a tunnel that leads from Lewis’ house to Lake Park. And once it’s finished Lewis is going to hire an entire opera company to perform Don Giovanni, simply so he can pop out of the ground at the moment Don Giovanni kills Donna Anna’s father, thus recreating the fictional painting in Haruki Murakami’s Killing Commendatore.

BU: You know, Lane, it sounds a lot like you’re saying the third trivia category for tonight is Don Giovanni, or maybe Murakami, again.

LG: Not at all, Bob, it’s European Geography.

BU: Now a word from our sponsor, “Usinger’s, why fuck on mattress when you could squeeze the sausages from their all-natural casings, fill a casket with the ground meat and just get nasty. Don’t just get freaky, get an infection. Pick n’ Save, the silver lining”

The show starts at 7pm. See you there. Also, buy a tee-shirt.

 

Introducing, The Judith Tee

YO! We got brand new tees. After several rounds of revisions, trying to find the sweet spot between chunky letters and screen widths for small tees, we’ve got the latest Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia shirts.

Anyone who’s played enough, or just once, has probably run into one of our references to Judith, with the help of her handmaiden, Abra, liberating the head of Holofernes from its body. It’s an image that has been painted so many times, but that doesn’t matter. Toss on the Judith tee and you can be referencing any work on this subject. None of them feature a shortage of blood. Shit, this tee references something so bloody it showed up in John Wick 3 and it seemed right at home. Even my daughter’s child care has a drink service machine that requires the children to push a knife through Holof’s neck and Mountain Dew Code Red comes out. And Yes, my daughter’s child care center is a Taco Bell.

So jump on this chance to own the latest WHT tee. It’s sure to attract attention wherever you wear it, and then you can tell all the simps and know-nothings about the greatest trivia show in the great state of Wisconsin. Shirts will go to print on June 11, so orders need to be placed by then. Each tee is $25, which will include shipping to anywhere in the US.

Slide into that PP paypal.me/SlashGreg

As always, thanks for supporting Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia.

 

On Tuesdays We Wear Silks

Let’s start with a shout out to a couple of teams playing at Company Brewing last night. And I’m not talking about Scrambled Eggs who took first place with 93 points. Nor am I going on about Spumoni Bologna for their great name. I’m talking about Das Tunnelsnakes and Triple Unicycle who both scored 69 points. That right there is the six and the nine. Nice. Very nice, indeed.

Tonight we get to see what the teams at the Up & Under bring to the table. Have they made the most of their time with this week’s clues to better themselves and their teams? Or have they spent all of their time writing Preakness slash fiction that features A LOT of jockeys riding and whipping each other before kindly saying, “From now on, you can wear my silks”?

I know which I’ve been doing.

So Up & Under players, get your teams in line, get your brains in trivia mode and get ready for tonight’s show. Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, a man who once launched a mildly successful multi-level marketing business that was essentially demands of $100 and threats of rattlesnakes in beds, will be delivering 50 hot ones tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Lastly, you want to know what’s up with these tees?
Soon. I promise. Soon.

 

LOOK WHO’S BACK!

 

The internet is ALIVE today, and people of the virtual world are pissed. There are no lines. No order. Just an angry mob of voice after voice snapping off hot takes and jokes, or jokes of hot takes, about the ending of Game of Thrones.

Now, consider the voices you haven’t heard. The voices of people who show up at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. If you’re reading this, it’s safe to assume you’re one of these voices. WHT players have lived their lives accustomed to entire teams saving doubles for round ten only to be wiped out in the final moments. WHT players know the feeling of being betrayed by the writers and the disappointment of poor production is simply how we live now.

While the rest of the world is fired up about a Starbucks cup in WesterosWorld, trivia players are thinking about the time when Lewis and Andy tossed out the questions and instead gave a cold reading of the script from the 1996 film version of The Island of Doctor Moreau. Others might remember the time we were discussing the future of trivia and Nick turned to me and said, “Greg? He can’t even have kids. What a faulty-dick loser.” But then I came back with an IVF baby, Baby!

Or, what about the time I promised the new WHT tees would be up for pre-order today. I told people, “Mark your almost certainly empty calendars for May 20 and scratch together $25 for the latest Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tee, because we’re setting up a pre-order.” Then I forgot to request a mock-up from the printers and thus had nothing to present for it.

This kind of betrayal and disappointment is commonplace at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. But ask anyone who plays, and they will tell you it’s totally worth it. Where else but Company Brewing on a Monday night, are you going to see Nick present 50 questions on topics like Presidential Births, State Capitals and the Indianapolis 500? And we do this week after week after week. We can’t promise it will end the way you like it, but we can promise a good time will be had by everybody who shows up. All you have to do is get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Canadian Invasion

Gather ‘round, trivia players. Let me tell you a story. This story takes place last Thursday night when Neil got all spicy and told me the Dead, Canadian, Both or Neither was not a good category.

Now, we should address the fact it is NOT a good category. Nor was the Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken, or the one about candies. We’ve been writing trivia since like 1973 and a vast majority of the work we’ve done has received a “Not so great” ranking from the International Council on Trivia Inquiries and Team Nomenclature. In fact, the best category we’ve ever had was a crowd-sourced stack that simply asked players to rank these celebrities–that was it, just ranks these people on whatever. The second best is a tie between a Bamboo Harvester of Sorrow category and whenever we saw the first TPIODITMOSL show up.

But back to Neil. Neil’s complaint wasn’t about the quality of the questions. Neil was bitter because no one at trivia was Canadian and frankly no one wants to talk about Canada unless it’s Justin Trudeau /Fic.

This statement is only half true, and so now MFing Neil and all of you are going to play though this week’s Canada-heavy show. That’s right, some how someone scraped up five questions about David Coulier, and none of them involve Alanis Morissette. We’ll also be talking about the high-quality, contemporary television programs we import from our fine neighbors to the north. Then to balance it all out we’ll also dive into the Great State of South Carolina. I can only assume Neil, a Tennessee native, will be quick to tell us no one is from the south. What a jerk.

Anyway, Nick is putting on his Habs sweater right now and getting ready to deliver 50 mid-quality questions tonight at Company Brewing. Anyone or any team is welcome to join in the fun. All you have to do is be at Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

BRACKETS BRACKETS BRACKETS COUCHES COUCHES COUCHES

The bad news about Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia at Glass Nickel Pizza tonight is that by the time we fill that basement and kick off the show, 85% of the crowd is going to be talking about busted brackets, unforeseen upsets and melted minds. That’s a lot of pressure to out on college hoopermans. That’s also a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Trying to pick the right team like it’s not going to be Duke or some other team with a creepy ass coach. But you’re still riding hard for Bradington State. That seems like good name for a college no one cares about. The team is just five, six-foot-two dudes named Brad.

The good news is all that will be behind you as soon as trivia fires up. We already know there is going to talk about Viggo Mortenson, Candy and Presidential Pets, but did you know I’m also going to be pressuring each of you, individually, about joining the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Ragnar crew. We’re looking for a couple more people to fill out the team. And what could be better than spending a couple days in September running 15 miles through the woods of Northern Wisconsin?

All that a more, TONIGHT! All you have to do is be at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood. We’ll be in the basement and the show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

(No title)

I’ve consulted with the sentient being that is this week’s questions, and I return to you with good news. Even after a drawn-out slug-fest that saw Das Tunnelsnakes take first place from Shart of Glass and 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt last night, The Questions are ready to kick down the door at Up & Under and show Brady Street what’s what.

I’m sure some of you are thinking the, “the sentient being that is the collected information of one week’s worth of trivia questions? That concept is dumb as hell.” Well sure, maybe it’s not great. But what is consciousness, but ongoing awareness of information gathered, interpreted and used to anticipate what is ahead. Consider how just the simple knowledge of The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living changes the way you look at a stack of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies, or your aging grandparents.

Or, consider the way you studied for this week’s questions. We know there is a Viggo Mortensen round so there could very well be some Lord of The Rings questions. Using all of your collected trivia knowledge, you have to assume that I set out to write solid Viggo questions, but instead spent 6 hours trying to convincingly render images of Gritty into the naked fight scene from Eastern Promises.

That seems reasonable? But a sentient stack of questions is ridiculous? It’s like you guys have never seen Marjorie the talking trash heap from Fraggle Rock. Or Pythia. At least these trivia questions do not stink of rot.

Anyway, Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia heads to Brady Street tonight. There you can find Lewis, a man who as been has spent the last seven years espousing the theory that The Beastie Boys’ Fight for Your Right to Party and Make Some Noise videos are part of the Lord of the Rings universe because it’s actually Elijah Wood playing Frodo playing Ad-Rock playing younger Ad-Rock and the whole pie thing because we all know how Gimli loved some whipped cream pies, coming at you with 50 questions. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Post St. Patrick’s Day Massacre

Hello trivia players, I hope you’re all doing well and have had a chance to shower to today. It’s important to wash off the St. Patrick’s Day almost immediately. I’ve heard that residual Irishness, if it remains in contact with your skin, it soaks in and just makes you insufferable. You end up with a propensity to buy things like Irish themed tee shirts and you opt for the Aer Lingus credit card so you can rack up some miles.

As the Madison players know, I recently made my pops do an ancestry.com test (because I want to know what’s up, but I don’t want to put my info in the system). Sure when the results came back there were some surprises, an unexpected 22% Frenchness and an unknown half-brother, for example, but I cannot express my relief when I saw that Irish category at <0 percent. I immediately removed that copy of Boondock Saints from Amazon wishlist and I spent St. Patrick’s Day watching Chinatown and Annie Hall guilt-free. Such relief.            

But all that is behind us, except for the half-brother thing. The days are getting longer. The weather is getting warmer. And league play is getting tenser. I mean, look at Company Brewing. I would say Shart Shaped Box, Das Tunnelsnakes, Scrambled Eggs and Dennis, Nell, Edna and Ellen Sinned are all in the running. With 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt and Gentrifiers of Catan as potential dark horse contenders.

Of course, the path to league domination runs directly through tonight’s show, where Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is coming out hot with with questions about Candies, Presidential Pets and the naked body of Viggo Mortensen’s work.

So if these all seem like things you and your trivia-playing friends might be into, or maybe you just like trivia and fine craft beers, I suggest you get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

IT’s Called Time Theft, and it’s a Corporate Crime

Typically, on a Monday like this I would cruise in here and say “I don’t want to waste any of your time…” But let’s be honest, all I do is flush minutes and hours away from your assumed employers. I’m like some sort of remote, smoldering revolutionary. Every so often I just steal a few minutes from your corporate overlords. This is how I’m doing my part to bring down the capitalist system. But today, I’m the one who hasn’t got time to spare, so let’s get into it.

Tonight, Company Brewing is opening its doors to anyone and everyone who wants to rip back a couple pints and test their (very specific area of) intelligence. Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is giving the people, not what they want, but what they need. That being, 50 questions sure to blow minds. He’s going to be up there talking about things like Late-Era Wes Anderson Films, The Starting Quarterbacks of the Cleveland Browns and Outkast.

If you’re sitting there thinking, “Dang this is in my wheelhouse.” or, “This sounds like a disaster. I’m going to watch a couple teams crash and burn while I tip back a couple springtime brews.” You’re going to want to get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

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