No Rest For The Wicked

The scene opens on a large, opulent estate. The quiet is unsettling. Dry leaves blow through open windows. A mouse, nibbling the crust of half-eaten bread on the table in the Hall of Feasts, retreats at the sound of the door bursting open.

[NICK enters the room, dressed head-to-toe in blaze orange]

NICK, to himself: Well I don’t know what I expected.

He drops his gear in the entryway and heads upstairs, checking for signs of life. Greg‘s study is empty. Even the gold-plated couch is covered in dust. It’s a bit a of surprise, given the state of the yard. Though the house is unkempt, the grounds are immaculately groomed and ready for this week’s guests. Lewis, the man who writes Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg’s questions, has been hard at work keeping up his end of the bargain.

Nick makes his way to his suites. On his way, he passes the iron gate that marks the stairs to the tower of the Rap Emporium. Bits of a dry, bready mixture and the shattered remains of a fine china dinner plate litter the floor. It would seen Greg didn’t like the meal Nick sent up the Friday prior.

NICK, yelling to GREG, unseen but surely still atop the tower awaiting another Blackstar album: Look, man, Quorn was all they had! What do you want, linguine with artichokes? What am I, some kind of hospital cafeteria?!?

Nick finally reaches his rooms, unlocks the door, and heads to shower. He fucken needs it, body and mind. Three days in the woods and not a deer to be seen. It’s his only source of red meat for the year; hopefully next weekend will be more fruitful.

Clean, but tired, Nick turns to getting the place in order. He sets tables meant for the week’s guests: white linen, polished silver, porcelain beer steins. He’s not going to bother with plates this time; everyone just wants to drink anyway. Three placards are placed at each table to mark the party’s themes: Musicals, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and It’s (Allegedly) Deer Season.

The trivia fam at Company Brewing are coming tonight at 7:00. Tuesday, the cretins who call the Up & Under home will scurry in. Wednesday to steam clean after those mongrels, then Thanksgiving. No party for Jake’s Marauders aka the Glass Nickel Pizza crew aka We Complain About Needing A Last Name On A Question Where Nick Very Clearly Said First And Last Name Scooter Club. They’ll have to wait for next week.

Home Alone: Trunch Lake Edition

Wanted a bit of time to myself the other day so I sent the help home (or wherever they go; I have no idea), checked out the 100-item legal limit of cookbooks from the public library, and settled in by the fire to read. Three days later, I emerged ready to get to work in the kitchen only to find that Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, the man who taught Moses a thing or two about parting water had gone off to egg the neighbors again and Greg locked atop the Rap Emporium vowing not to come down until we get another Blackstar album.

Met with dishes piling up, dust everywhere, and four clogged toilets (what were you three DOING), I  had but one choice. Put my head down and get to work ignore it all. I spent three days researching this recipe and I have a blog post to write.

 

  1. Stir 2t ground Dinosaurs and 4 cloves garlic, chopped, into ground mushrooms
  2. Heat mixture on medium until aroma is released and mushrooms are golden in color
  3. Stir in 1c Wisconsin in Film and Television
  4. Bring to boil, then lower and simmer for 15-20 minutes
  5. Add milk to taste and remove from heat
  6. Grease a bread pan and coat with grated Lord of the Rings.
  7. Form mixture into a loaf shape and press into coated pan. Chill in the fridge overnight.
  8. Slice, serve, and enjoy.

 

The patrons of Company Brewing can get their fix tonight. Fans of the trivia tripe loaf over at Up & Under will have to wait until Tuesday, and Madison gets whatever crumbs are left Thursday night at Glass Nickel Pizza on Atwood.

Tuesdays, To the Max!

What up what up, players!

I understand many of you may have been thinking, “Oh Greggers, he doesn’t give a fuck about the Tuesday night show. Oh Greggers, he was out in those streets talking about how the Up & Under show kicks dogs.” 

But disregard all of that. In the parlance of 2004, “Fuck what you heard.”
Tuesdays at the Up & Under are firing. The league play there is well underway. Trivia Newton John is riding that domination train. Tossing coal into the locomotive as fast as they possibly can, like a misremembered tall tale about John Henry. But Shiva Conglomeration is still fighting. Then there are the others Techno Tigers, Who Pooped in the Pool, and Wet Dreamcast, as well as a handful of additional teams. 

Personally, I’m not counting anyone out. Any team could show up tonight and high jack the aforementioned Domination Choo-Choo. All you need to do is get to the Up & Under on Brady street tonight. Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, a man who claims to have started the California wildfires with his FKA Twigs hot takes, will be coming at you with 50 of the hardest trivia questions the Cream City has ever heard/read. 

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Singles Day

It’s singles day y’all!

That’s well and good for anyone looking to score sweet deals on Ultra Light Down jackets from Uniqlo, but revelling in your exclusivity is no way to operate a winning trivia team. Sure, a solitary player will probably beat a team like Tunnelsnakes and may even come up with a win once in a great while, but for sustained dominance you’re going to want to put a team together. 

It is simply unlikely someone playing solo tonight at Company Brewing is going to be able to flex the mental muscle needed to dominate categories like Apple Cultivars and Varietals, Madden Cover Athletes or Children’s Movie Soundtracks

To truly be effective, you need to put together a crew, a solid four to six players with a vast berth of rather useless knowledge. It would be even better if you could build a team similar to the passengers of the SS Minnow. You’re going to need a scientist who you call professor and a captain packed with practical knowledge who you call Skipper. Then you’ll want someone with gob cap and blotter tabs, a couple of out-of-touch, privileged white folks to bankroll the team, a youthful midwestern who shows up crop-topped and snackable and finally a seemingly vapid superstar who turns out to be the ringer and is good with a coconut radio. 

I would say I’m ready to film any of those roles, except that I’ve already seen the questions and answers. 

Anyway, once you’ve put your team together, you’re all going to want to get to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. As always, there will be food and drinks. And you know Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick has 50 questions that are sure to please. It’s a round of trivia you don’t want to miss. And if it makes you feel better, you can still get that smoking deal on those ULDs from Uniqlo. Shit, dog, you could get them for your whole team. 

The show starts tonight at 7pm. See you there.

 

Daylights Savings Tine

Girl students conducting scientific experiment in chemistry laboratory classroom

Being we’re now 36 hours deep into, or out of, Dayslight Saving Time I hope we’ve all adjusted settled back into a normal rhythm. Back to the rigamarole of sleeping until 7am, giving the old bones a stretch, as well as you can, and then starting the car and pulling out of the restricted daytime parking spot. 

Now, I’m not saying EVERYONE who plays trivia at Company Brewing sleeps in their cars, but I’m pretty sure all of TunnelSnakes is running off borrowed wi-fi and PO boxes. And there is a big difference between living in a Sprinter van for a few days and getting residency in a Chevy Aveo, but I’m super proud of them for making it work. 

So, understanding the poor life choices TunnelSnakes are known for making and that they still show up to play trivia week after week, maybe you can find some place in your busy schedule for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia, and some place in your heart for a picture of Jesus riding a bird scooter with the caption “Two wheels. One messiah. Zero fucks”. 

I’m not going to tell you Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia can cure what ails you or make you rich, but you will have a whole lot of fun. Every Monday night Company Brewing opens their doors and lets Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick take the stage and toss out 50 hot ones. In between questions there are plenty of great food and drinks to be had. And maybe even a bartender who will give you an incorrect answer. Or maybe a right answer. It depends what this bartender knows about things like High School Chemistry, NBA Jersey Sponsors and Famous Rivers of Literature.

Honestly, it’s a trivia event not to be missed. Get your team together and get yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Spooky Week

Good day trivia players and welcome to the scariest week of the year. Here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global HeadQuarters and Your Home for the Best Used Car Deals in the Tri-State Area we are diving head first into Halloween. I’m sitting here at my desk, typing this and wearing a Freddy Krueger mask. Now, brace yourself as I make it even waaaaay spookier. I’ve also put on the old knife finger glove. But instead of knives, there are protruding corn dogs and it is delicious. 

Never one to be outdone in the spooky category, Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick has cut the head off a goat and is currently watching YouTube tutorials on the best way to sew it on his own body. He has also shoved a few singles and a half-smoked spliff into the goat’s head’s dead mouth, which I think is some sort of hippie witchcraft

Time is going to tell if Nick ever successfully attaches the goat’s head, but the best way to see this possibly cursed creature is to get yourself to Company Brewing in Riverwest tonight for the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show. One of Nick’s two heads will be presenting 50 questions on thrilling subjects like The Misfits, Spooooooky Cinema and Various and Sundry Dark Lords

YIKES!

If I were you I would bring a team, just to have another body to grab when things get too scary. Plus, it’s good to have another perspective on the questions. I would also suggest drinking multiple Company Brewing beers, just to keep your wits about you and your reflexes on point. The show starts tonight at. See you there, if you’re brave enough.

Spooky Season Starts Now

 

Can you imagine the emotions running through the citizens of Milwaukee right now. Some people are shaking with anticipation, others are stress eating buckets of ice cream, and some, probably the Tunnelsnakes, are getting stoned only to fall asleep in the supply closet at their office. That’s just how fired up people should be to have Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia back in action at Company Brewing

You might be saying, “My man, it’s only been a week.” To which I ask, “Have you ever gone a week without joy? Do you know the feeling of experiencing excellence in trivia only to have it replaced by nothing? Do you know that feeling? Have you seen what lies beyond? Are you okay with nothing? Are you some poorly made puppet dog with weird eyes? Are you Gmork? Is that what you are? Gmork?” 

Assholes.

Anyway, Company Brewing has got you covered. They’re going to provide the food and drinks, while Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick carpet bombs the place with fifty questions. There will be all the classic categories and then a few bangers covering topics like the Detroit Red Wings of hockey, Treehouses of Horrors of the Simpsons and Horror Stories of Other Literatures. 

It’s sure to be a spooky good time for anyone who shows up. So put a team together and get yourself down to Company Brewing in Riverwest. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Missing U Mondays

Obviously, there was no Trivia last night at Company Brewing. And obviously, I let Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick do the social post. And obviously, trivia players from around the world were let down by the situation. But, believe me when I say this, no one was more bummed than me.  

While the lot of you were ripping through pint after pint of Space Whistle mosaic IPA, and watching Aaron HUSSEIN Rodgers barely pull out another win, I was sitting alone in an unlit kitchen. Probably sucking down a Coors Light tall boy. 

You see, I don’t have much in my life–a good family, a few hopes and dreams, an impressive collection of Audrey Tatou in Amelie .gifs (or .gifs or however your pronounce it). The one thing I’ve looked forward to for the last few years has been impressively mediocre performance of The Tunnelsnakes.  But now even that is gone. At least this week. 

So no I have to focus on the Up & Under show. The world famous second show in Milwaukee. And tonight Andy and Lewis are coming at you with hot topics like Packers and their Super Bowls, Science Fiction Bland Masters and Columbus Day

It will all be very exciting and all you need to do is get to Up & Under tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there. 

 

Get Your Fix(es)

Long ago, when Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia was in it’s infancy, we tried to play alongside a Monday night game between the Packers and Bears. The crowd thought it was a good idea so why not? We carried an extra 30″ CRT TV up the greasiest stairs in the city and let the questions fly between downs. Even we weren’t paying attention and the winning score was something like 36. A fine idea in theory; less so when it comes down to it.

The Deetroyt Lions are no Bears, but tonight the Packers are on MNF and so there is no WHT at Company Brewing.

You can still get that good good Company fix tonight, though; they’re hosting another kick-ass football party complete with an ever-growing shrine to Aaron Rodgers (not Canadian) which obvs can’t be missed.

For your weekly dose of trivia, you have two (and only these two) choices:

One, hit up Celebrity Guest Host Andy Berg and Lewis, heir to the Dippin’ Dots empire, when they kick off their weekly Up and Under show at 7pm.

Two, join Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick at County Claire for Abby‘s homegrown show. Abby plays at Company on Refrigerator Nation every week and he’s going this week to return the favor. Voltron up with his squad at 9pm.

 

Black Magic

October is fully ON here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters and Petroleum Dumping Station. I was prepared to come on here and tell all about the excitement of the second annual WHT Camping and Fabric Dampening Excursion. I was going to tell you about the questionable wood purchase from a grown man named Scotty. Or how Rousseau the dog is the chillest mammajamma ever. Or how Leslie locked eyes with Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick and then drove his VW Superpolluter directly into quicksand. Or how REI was rad enough to provide all the supplies needed for the weekend in exchange for 10-15% of the camping party’s collective income.

But, then I get home and roll through the IGs long enough to discover the staff over at Company Brewing is diving deep into black magic. Those MFers have an altar dedicated to Aaron Rodgers. I’m talking candles, gifts of mini pours, a torn and spit-upon photo of Olivia Munn,  a vile of Reggie White’s blood that was taken as he renounced his reverend status and embraced the light-bringer on his deathbed, and then a bunch of bones from an order of chicken wings. It’s some real Sunday goth shit.

Sometime after I learned of the existence of the altar, I also learned the Packers defeated their opponents, the Dallas Cowboy. So I’m convinced the CoBrew crew knows what they are doing in the realm of dark arts. Given this information, I really think you need to pay attention when I say get to Company Brewing in Riverwest for trivia tonight. There will be categories about State Capitals, Educational Children’s Programming of the 80s and 90s, and something about G.L.O.W. 

I can only assume that if you don’t go, an owl will rip your grandma’s eyes out. So get your team together and get yourself to Company Brewing tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

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