We Ain’t Done Here

Players, I write to you today, not as a trivia writer, one-time host and famous horse whisperer, but as a fellow human who made a mistake.

Let me speak on it.

I’ve been in the process of building a new bike because the trails here, around the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Satellite Office of Worthless Knowledge and Medical Marijuana Acquisition, can only be improved with 130mm of full squish. The other night I was piecing the rig together and I reached a natural stopping point in the build. I also I knew I had to venture out to Target for like five items.

It was then that I figured, as an acquirist of Medical Marijuana, due to my crippling anxiety and history of a rather significant brain injury, I should gobble down this edible and ride out the evening.

So I did. I then organized my various cables, cranks, calipers and tools needed to assemble an absolute ripper of a mountain bike. And it was mid-organizing that I could feel the cannabis creep coming on. I checked my watch. This came on much too quickly. Target would be closed in an hour. I knew the feeling that was setting in and I never even considered the insanity of driving to a store. My focus was squarely on the utter impossibility of me navigating a mid-level department store and its big box retail landscape.

Sure, I was only going for body wash, gum, clay pomade, a particular brand of chunky peanut butter and deodorant. There was no way I would have been able to handle that within 60 minutes. I would need at least 45 minutes to figure out which Minecraft themed easter basket would look best as a centerpiece on the patio table, if I were to ever buy a home with a great patio space and take up celebrating the ascension of your lord and savior Jesus Christ.

And I would have to maintain some sort of composure when the check-out maitre d attempted to usher me to the self check-out zone. You really think I, now stoned out of my mind, was ready to say, “Oh no no, I don’t work here. So until I get an employee discount on my purchases I will not be ringing up my own items”. You really think I could tackle that task with a known time constraint dangling over me like my own personal sword of Damocles?

Come on.

Instead I somehow got onto Cecil Taylor’s The Complete, Legendary, Live Return Concert: Recorded at Town Hall, New York City on November 4, 1973.

So anyway, now we have categories on Jazz and the University of Wisconsin.

The show starts tonight at 7pm at Company Brewing. See you there.

 

Aloha, MFers!

 

Players, I can only hope you’ve cooled off after last week’s show. I simply read the questions in a document, you in-person players had them read to you by Wisconsin’s Hardest Cassie who presented the whole show in ASMR voice. To add to that, I heard she was dressed as a sexy version of Misato Katsuragi’s Pen Pen.

Now, I know one of you players, probably Canadian Mel, is going to remind me that it was St. Valentine’s day, not St. Hallow’s Een. But you gotta realize, when you’ve spent the last 12 years of your life working on a boss Neon Genesis Evangelion costume, and that costume has a truly banging penguin rump, you wear it as often as you can.

Anyway, Valentine’s is over. And to break you all from that winter funk, Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is coming at you with a real surf-centric show tonight. It’s that way because that’s what happens when Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia goes on vacation. Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia hosts come home and write Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia questions about the vacation.

So tonight, I’m going to need you all to be thinking about Nick, out there on a killer break, paddling out in 18oz denim and a proper OCBD, probably on a Yater Spoon, Zalaam’s Bottomless Black Hole pounding from a boombox on the beach.

Players, that is a heavy hitting image. You’re going to want to store that away somewhere safe. Maybe pack it right next to the memory of Pen Pen reading the lyrics to Erotica City.

And once that’s locked away, get your crew together, do a bit of research on Julia Roberts and then get everyone to Company Brewing tonight. The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Netflix and Thaw, amirite?

OOOOO Milwaukee, you’re in it now baby. That February thaw is upon you. Now, how that coincides with the fact that Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Institute of Carpetbaggery and Mountain Bike Wheelie Practiceatorium was recently blanketed by 4 inches of snow is beyond me. I could go down the too-easy complaint trail about how there was just a touch of snow and the whole city shut down, blah blah blah, they don’t know how to handle winter here. Yes, they canceled school for 3 days on account of the snowfall. Yes, most coffee shops were closed. And yes, the parks department did tell people not to ride on the new, insanely amazing Turkey Mountain trails. But I think they got it right.

I will even go so far as to say, I think Wisconsin’s got it wrong. By all means, when the cold hits, go out and look at the wonder and beauty of a fogged-over Lake Michigan. Be amazed by the ice formations. Stop at Company Brewing, grab a couple cans of Milwaukee Record Re-Porter and let that spiced rye flavor warm you while you hop on that sled, rip down the hill by the water tower and use your friends as bowling pins.  But you should not be required to have any important plans for such days.

Likewise, when that February thaw hits, the city should declare a national holiday. Imagine how great it would be to have random days off in February because it’s thaw day in Milwaukee. Next week you’ll get three days off because of thaw day holidays in Pittsburgh on Wednesday, Pittsfield, Mass on Thursday, and Plattsburgh, New York on Friday. We’d all get some random day off in May because the midwinter thaw day finally hit Minneapolis.

HOW GREAT WOULD THAT BE?

Now, I know it’s too late to get Thaw Days on the 2022 calendars, but you can still relax a little. You can still grab one of those Milwaukee Record Re-Porters. I know I would if I could. And you’re more than welcome to come kick it with some friends at Company Brewing while you enjoy a session of Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. We’ve got Wisconsin’s Hardest Cassie coming in as Wisconsin’ Hardest Sub tonight. Sure you’ve seen everything Nick has to offer. You know all his jokes by now. But Cassie is probably going to have so many new inside jokes for all you players.

Plus, she’s tossing out categories on Dinosaurs, the War of 1812 and New York City–a city so nice they just let Woody Allen live there like it’s nothing.

Anyway, the show starts at 7pm. Get your crew together and get yourself to Company Brewing for all sorts of just above freezing fun.

 

2022 is Finally in the House

Milwaukee players, I suggest you scrape that frost off your Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia sunnies. Maybe blast a couple hot breaths on your Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia pen to make sure that ink is flowing. And, of course, you’re going to want to stack some sort of waffle knit base layer under your favorite Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia tee. Because players, you’ve got a winter league championship to compete for tonight.

That’s right, after a holiday hiatus stretched out so long like salt water taffy at a two-star candy shop in your favorite one-star vacation town, Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is back in action and ready to deliver the questions, the answers and the prizes.

Now players, you need to know how many possible iterations of tonight’s show there were. We originally were going to hit you with a 2021 year in review show, but that came and left. Naturally we moved on to the concept of a 2022 year in preview show, and then we got to scrap that plan. Now, what feels like a lifetime later, we’re bringing some much needed heat in the form of 50 questions and no real underlying theme.

The rest is on you players. Gather your team. But be sure they’re healthy before you gather with them. I mean, you know what time it is out there. Once you’ve got your heaviest heavy hitters, you maybe do some review/preview research and then you get yourselves to Company Brewing in Riverwest. Nick will be there. Ready. Waiting. Your glass of Night Rye’d Nitro Porter will be there. Ready. Waiting.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

New Players Welcomed, and Warned

Players, you know the day, the time and what is about to go down.

I like the idea that the previous statement prompted JB, or really any player who’s been in the mix for at least three weeks, to suddenly glance at their watch, chuckle to themself and think, “Some poor team is about to get wrecked tonight. Just imagine someone walking to Company Brewing with so much swagger. Shoulders held high to keep that full length rabbit fur coat from dragging on the floor. Sunglasses on the whole time. Diamond studded quellazaire loaded with a baby blue Export A.

You know that player takes a seat over off to the side. They’re going to use an additional table to lay out the jacket. And here’s the crazy part, this player, thinking they’re there to rename it Wisconsin’s Moderately Difficultist Trivia, they pull off the Watership Down piece and what are they wearing underneath? An oversized, rabbit fur jumper and contrasting but coordinating rabbit fur trousers. God damn. Team Leporidae came to get a sip from the firehose that is Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. Friggin’ fools.”

And then JB just goes right back to work. But tonight JB and his whole team will be at Company Brewing in Riverwest. Pints of Space Whistle in their hands and ready for Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick to drop 50 killer questions on the place.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

Also, there are categories about rats and famous photographers tonight.

 

Them Very Holy Days

Greetings! And welcome to November. We’re talking peak Autumn here. The leaf peepers are gone. And the dried leaves that remain hang from skeletons in the deciduous forests, leaving the cold, unloving touch of conifers as the only beacon of life.

Ahh. but it is in this time, that we here at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia celebrate. We welcome the darkening days. And today, the first of November, falling on a Monday is truly magical. If you’re living right, you’re riding the costume and candy wave right into the local Samhain bonfire. And then, after your bare feet have communed with the earth for long enough, you run home to set out a french roll. If you’ve been good, or at least not a scumbag, you’ll wake up to a hot beef and giardiniers.

All that is great, and trust me that sandwich, kissed by the wings of St. Mothman himself, could hold you over until the day of the People’s Feast. But now we slide right into Dia de los Muertos. So you know Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is going to be posting up pictures of all the trivia teams we’ve lost. Can you even imagine the gifts we’d leave for a team like Tunnelsnakes? A team that has been dead for years and yet still walks among the living? The gifts would be bonkers.

And then compare that to a team that we haven’t seen in ages. Something like 3 Guys on a Fact Hunt. I mean, I can only assume that team is dead because I’m not getting 35 emails each week about how I’m an idiot for claiming Zaha Hadid was a bolder architect than Richard Neutra. I get it, Neutra built on Frank Lloyd Wright’s concept of eliminating the distinction between indoors and out-of doors and gave us his signature spider leg. But now consider something like the Vitra fire station or, if your heart and brain can even handle it, the Havenhuis. And then gtfo.

Whatever, 3GoaFH will get Wonder bread as an offering.

All that said, Nick is going to be riding high tonight for Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia. He’s got 50 questions ready to launch, and there’s even a category about Dune, so you know it’s going to get good. All you have to do is show up at Company Brewing, let a couple snifters of George’s Serious Breakfast open you up to the spirit world and welcome November in the right way.

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

There Will Be Metaphorical Blood

Player, I’m talking to you. Look at me. I’m looking directly at you now. I’m talking lazer-like focus and intensity right now.

You feel that?

Now hear me out. I’m asking you to use two senses now. Or you can read my lips, whatever, I just need to know you’re absorbing and processing the words I’m saying. Now hold on, I usually don’t codone, nor participate in, physical contact during these posts. But I’m going to grab you by the biceps and pull you in close.

Can you smell that coffee on my breath? I should hope so because I have already had several cups and you are very close to my face. And it’s some aging Colectivo blend I brought with me as I have yet to find a local roaster to supply Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Institute of Carpetbaggery, Social Subversion and Lady Elizabeth Bathory Bleed Station and Bathhouse pop-up.

Okay, listen up. There is trivia tonight. And I know, Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick may be tall, and I mean justly ungodly tall, he’s like 18 feet high, but he won’t hurt you. The questions he asks tonight might be scary, but they’re just questions.

Are they going to be super spooky questions? Of course, it’s the last show before Halloween. But they’re just words and slides. Player, you can handle this.

All you need to do is get you and your team down to Company Brewing in Riverwest, tonight. It’ll be a little frightening, but then you’ll slide down a couple pints of Lordy Lordy hazy IPA and you’ll be the boldest MFer in the joint.

Look at you, our brave little trivia player.

The show starts tonight at 7pm. See you there.

 

Remote Dispatches

Players, I woke up this morning to startling news. It’s news we knew was coming, as evidence of it has been in every Target and Neiman Marcus you walk through. But this morning it really hit home that consumerists and retail giants have successfully eliminated the fall season. We now go from the post Labor-Day tucking of the whites, wherein we used to spend the days swapping out our summer fits for cardigans and moleskin pants or a pleasantly heavier weight twill chino, directly to hanging stockings by the fire with care.

This doesn’t set well at Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Global Headquarters, Rap Emporium and Exsanguination Station. And when word hit Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Institute of Carpetbaggery and Social Subversion. I nearly jumped right out of the coffin I am currently using as my seasonally themed sleep station when the elderly, who are to read to me my emails each morning, informed me of no less than six emails regarding rising prices and that the best Black Friday shopping starts right now.

Players, You know Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick is an autumnal creature. And you know covered in sweat is not my best look. And even Anjali, who many of you have never met in person, you know Anjali favors a midweight jacket. Dog, you can’t hang an AAAJ pin and carry an empty glass bottle, an old rag and about 12 ounces of gasoline while wearing a lightweight tee. Summertime is about tolerance, but fall is about versatility and readiness.

Plus, we need this season to break out trivia categories on death, dormancy and the coming winter. Or in the case of this week’s show, movie monsters.

So once you get your team together, and you’ve grabbed all your clutch Black Friday finds, get yourselves to Company Brewing in Riverwest for the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia live show.

You won’t be able to get the Bent Stick Brewing Thank You, Next Double IPA, as they are an Alberta-based brewer and the pic comes to us from Bike Ripper and Super Scientist S. Koenig, PhD, who doesn’t even play trivia but lives in Alberta, but you can get so many other delightful libations.

 

The show starts at 7pm. See you there.

 

Delta in the Time of Delta

Madison, what’s good?

I’ll tell you what’s good. I’ll tell you what’s going down.

Thursday night. One night only. We’ve got an in-person trivia show. Through friends of friends of friends, we’re knocking out a one time show at Delta Beer Lab on the southside.

Now players…players, think about how many prizes I owe you and your teams. I’m talking about

those old Spoony Bards players, those Team Drink Tickets rippers, the Good Enough sleeper cell, they all have so many things coming their way. Consider Sarina, of Alphabet Mafia. Sarina will be walking out of the place with enough prizes to save the whole Goon Docks.

Now, there are other things to consider, specifically covid-19. Delta Beer Lab is providing us with fully vaxxed staff and large, semi-open space. I’m vaxxed, co-host E.Chun is vaxxed and you know we’re gonna be cheeks deep in masks. All we ask of you is:

  • Get your respected asses vaccinated. If you’re not vaxxed, please stay home and stay safe.
  • Dane County will be back into a mask mandate, so keep that mask up unless you’re eating or drinking.
  • Give everyone, teammates and other teams, the space they need to feel comfortable.
  • If you can’t make it, know that you are still loved and respected by the Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia community.

I hope to see as many of you as possible tomorrow night. The show starts at 7pm at Delta Beer Lab on Badger Rd. See you then.

 

Word on the Street

I haven’t been in Milwaukee proper lately but there seems to be a buzz about this week’s show. A friend of mine, probably Mel or Johnnie for the purposes of this story, said they were standing at the end of Wisconsin Ave, looking at the Calatrava’s wings, spread out over the Quadracci Pavilion and the Reiman Bridge, looking majestic as hell. And there were others there, talking about how they were in town for trivia and decided they would also take in this art. They also added, “We thought it would be bigger”.

Anyway, my friend turns to these trivia tourists and says, “I hope you weak-ass trivia tarts aren’t here to play Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia at Company Brewing on Monday Night. Because that show is not for some out of town, weekday warrior chump. Now, week day Wario, that evil MFer is welcome to play anytime. I mean don’t get me wrong, come to Company Brewing. Guzzle down some suds and grab a bite to eat, but don’t think you’re coming onto my turf, talking to my Wisconsin’s Hardest Nick, scoping my questions about the Fast and Furious franchise, or even current events. You really think I’m going to let you walk into my territory, have the most fun you can on a Monday night, and then go home and tell your friends and family about this Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia show…that’s Wisconsin’s Hardest Trivia Show Monday nights at 7pm at Company Brewing in Riverwest. C’mon blud, you know better. I’ll see you then.”

Anyway, the show starts at 7pm tonight. See you then.

 

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